Thursday 10 January 2008
Letter to an Old Friend; an old Flame
I wish you could see me now; see the person I have become without you, because of you. Here I am in my element, wearing my personality on my sleeve; but not my heart. Not my heart. I cannot wear my heart on my sleeve where it belongs with my personality because you never quite gave me it back when you broke it. You left. You left me alone to slowly mend the pieces of my broken heart; to collect them from where you scattered them to the four winds.
I think that you would disapprove of me if you knew me now; there are so many things I have done and will continue to do that I know you would not like. But I do not do them out of spite; that is not in my nature and I never hated you enough to spite you. I tried to hate you, but I could never bring myself to do it. No, I simply do these things because it is me. I am simply wearing my personality on my sleeve; or in my hair. I never quite realised how much I could not be myself around you. I know now.
You told me you loved me; I told you the same. Many times I wondered if you really meant it. Some days I wonder if you ever really knew the meaning of the word. I know I did. In the end, loving you meant that I had to let you walk out of my life and break my heart without rhyme nor reason nor prior warning. Because I could never have forced you to stay if it was no longer right for you. Yes, despite everything, I loved you with my whole heart, and a small part of me still does. Some part of me always will.
For me, this is closure. I have cried over you, and for you, more times than I care to count. I will shed no more tears for you. My heart has belonged to you long enough, and now it is time to move on. Though you broke it, it is now mended and ripe for giving to someone else; finally I am free. I am ready to be everything I was before, and I will fall in love again. I can and I will.
All I am waiting for now is another knight in shining armour to come set my heart and soul on fire. I will wear my heart on my sleeve for him, and he will teach me how to love again.
Friday 4 January 2008
My first meme of 2008!
Haven't posted in a while so I thought i'd kick of 2008 with this meme nicked from a friend on facebook
SINCE 2007 STARTED: (All that time ago lol)
1. Have you had a gf/bf?: Brought in '07 with one, didn’t bring in '08 with him though
2. Have you had your birthday?: Yes, and its hurtling towards me again
3. Been to church?: Yeah for some rededication thing
4. Cried yet?: In 07, lots.
5.Had sex?: See aforementioned boyfriend comment
6 Had someone close to you pass away?: Yes. My favourite Great Aunt Passed away the week I started UNI and mum didn’t tell me
7 Pulled an all nighter?: Tried to lol
8 Drank starbucks?: NO, I prefer my coffee homemade and non corporation-like (ran away from me lol)
9 Gone shopping?: *blank, disbeleiving stare*
10. Gone to the movies?: Couple of times
11 Been to the beach? Yup
12 Bought something for over $200?: Bought my sports membership which was over £100
13 Met someone new?: Loads of fabulous people
14 Been out of your home state?: Several times
15. Gone snowboarding?: No, not that I wuold be adverse to going snowboarding
[[In The Past Month...]]
1. Kissed someone?: Yeah my best mate Shwenny at New Year
2. Slept in a friend's bed?: Shwenny again
3. Snuck someone over?: Nope
4. Snuck out of your own house?: Nope
5. Been in a bar?: Oh yes
6. Lied?: not that I know of
7. Gotten a car?: Driving is a touchy subject, so no
8. Gone over your cell phone bill?: Nah, cos my mum pays it now!
9. Been called a whore? Not in my hearing
10. Drove somewhere?: Got driven home for Xmas
11. Done something you regret?: I don’t believe in regret. Theorectically
[[Last's...]]
Things you bought lately?: Alcohol lol
Person you hugged?: Mum
Person to call you?: Some random personwho hung up on me
When was the last time you felt stupid? Crying on Mark at Spider’s
When was the last time you walked/ran over a mile?: Mile? Walk? Run? No comprende
Who was the last person who saw you cry?: Mark
Who was the last person who made you cry?: Aforementioned Ex Boyfriend
Who was the last person you watched a movie with?: Watched Star Wars; New Hope with my bros the other day
Who was the last person you danced with?: Can’t rememebr. I dance all the time lol
Who did you last yell at?: Antbody I was in Spider’s with, its bloody loud lol
Who last told you they loved you?: Shwenny
Who makes you smile most?: Depends on what they’re doing as to who lol
What are you listening to right now?: Nightwish; Slaying the Dreamer
What did you do yesterday?: Revised Biochemistry, got a new tattoo, farted around for a bit, went to the scouty xmas dinner yum!
Hugs or kisses?: Both are great lol
SINCE 2007 STARTED: (All that time ago lol)
1. Have you had a gf/bf?: Brought in '07 with one, didn’t bring in '08 with him though
2. Have you had your birthday?: Yes, and its hurtling towards me again
3. Been to church?: Yeah for some rededication thing
4. Cried yet?: In 07, lots.
5.Had sex?: See aforementioned boyfriend comment
6 Had someone close to you pass away?: Yes. My favourite Great Aunt Passed away the week I started UNI and mum didn’t tell me
7 Pulled an all nighter?: Tried to lol
8 Drank starbucks?: NO, I prefer my coffee homemade and non corporation-like (ran away from me lol)
9 Gone shopping?: *blank, disbeleiving stare*
10. Gone to the movies?: Couple of times
11 Been to the beach? Yup
12 Bought something for over $200?: Bought my sports membership which was over £100
13 Met someone new?: Loads of fabulous people
14 Been out of your home state?: Several times
15. Gone snowboarding?: No, not that I wuold be adverse to going snowboarding
[[In The Past Month...]]
1. Kissed someone?: Yeah my best mate Shwenny at New Year
2. Slept in a friend's bed?: Shwenny again
3. Snuck someone over?: Nope
4. Snuck out of your own house?: Nope
5. Been in a bar?: Oh yes
6. Lied?: not that I know of
7. Gotten a car?: Driving is a touchy subject, so no
8. Gone over your cell phone bill?: Nah, cos my mum pays it now!
9. Been called a whore? Not in my hearing
10. Drove somewhere?: Got driven home for Xmas
11. Done something you regret?: I don’t believe in regret. Theorectically
[[Last's...]]
Things you bought lately?: Alcohol lol
Person you hugged?: Mum
Person to call you?: Some random personwho hung up on me
When was the last time you felt stupid? Crying on Mark at Spider’s
When was the last time you walked/ran over a mile?: Mile? Walk? Run? No comprende
Who was the last person who saw you cry?: Mark
Who was the last person who made you cry?: Aforementioned Ex Boyfriend
Who was the last person you watched a movie with?: Watched Star Wars; New Hope with my bros the other day
Who was the last person you danced with?: Can’t rememebr. I dance all the time lol
Who did you last yell at?: Antbody I was in Spider’s with, its bloody loud lol
Who last told you they loved you?: Shwenny
Who makes you smile most?: Depends on what they’re doing as to who lol
What are you listening to right now?: Nightwish; Slaying the Dreamer
What did you do yesterday?: Revised Biochemistry, got a new tattoo, farted around for a bit, went to the scouty xmas dinner yum!
Hugs or kisses?: Both are great lol
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