It’s just a
toothbrush, isn’t it?
But if that’s
the case why is it scaring her so badly?
Because it’s
not just a toothbrush, it’s a symbol. Having her own toothbrush
round the other woman’s apartment means something.
It means that they’re thinking about this being more than what they’ve been pretending it is, and that’s terrifying.
It means that they’re thinking about this being more than what they’ve been pretending it is, and that’s terrifying.
This thing
between them was supposed to be casual. Fuck and run, fuck and run.
Pretend every time is an accident and that they have no plans to do
it again. That’s how it’s been for six months now. That’s how
it’s supposed to continue. But feelings have an annoying habit of
getting in the way and the toothbrush by the sink is just a symbol of
that.
It means
premeditation. It suggests permanence.
She’s not
entirely sure how to deal with that.
This was never
supposed to be about anything but sex but now they sleep through the
night in each other’s arms, call each other when they’ve had a
bad day. They cook each other meals and sometimes, just sometimes, if
they’re both tired and stressed out, they don’t even have sex.
They’ll just hold each other and murmur reassurances to each other
before falling asleep curled around each other.
And now there’s
a toothbrush by the sink.
It’s never just
been sex between them. That should have been blindingly obvious at
the beginning but they were both lost in the red haze of sex, lost in
each other and too determined to live in denial a little longer. As much as they’ve both tried to pretend otherwise this thing
has involved feelings—deep ones—ever since the first time they
kissed.
Really two grown
women should have been more astute, more emotionally aware but they
had their reasons. And honestly it’s kind of difficult to think
about serious things when there’s a talented tongue wrapped around
your nipple.
But now there’s
a toothbrush. The line has been drawn and the serious feelings
they’ve both tried to avoid for the last six months have been
brought to the forefront. They have to talk about it.
Oddly enough
she’s not as scared as she thought she would be. Now that the mask
has been torn away and there’s nothing to hide behind she feels
calm. As though this is all very inevitable. And really they’ve
always been headed for this place, they’re just not very good at
admitting the truth to themselves.
Maybe this is how
it’s supposed to be. Their own odd kind of normal. Honestly she can
see them bumbling around like this together for the rest of their
lives. It’s a nice thought actually.
Maybe they’ll
never really mention feelings, and that’s fine.
“I noticed the
new addition in the bathroom,” she says.
“Yeah?” The
other woman is tense, wondering if everything is about to come
crashing down.
“Maybe I could
leave a few clothes over too. If that’s okay.”
Her smile is
luminous. “Okay.”
It was never just
a toothbrush.
