Fat Romance, Take Two

My blog is three months old today. I'm not quite sure how time flew by so fast, but in honour of the occasion I thought I would talk about someone and something else for a change. Instead of everything being about me.

One of the things that's really changed the way I look at myself is getting into the fat community. I'd always shied against getting involved in the fat community, because to me that conjured up images of fat people sat in a room being fat at each other, struggling to justify their existence and slapping each other on the back for choosing an apple over a chocolate bar. The problem I ahd with that is it was admitting I'm fat, and potentially putting myself in a confusing situation where i could be the biggest or smallest person in the room. I was never sure which one would be worse.

But that awesome thing about the internet is that you can join communities with a degree of anonymity. The amount of interaction with that community is up to you; you can choose to be a 'lurker' or a full blown outspoken member of that community. For me and the online fat community, it is allowing to be become positive about my body and gain the support I need without the self consciousness. And to date it has done me the world of good; the sites that I follow, and this blog have eased me into that world, and I now feel confident and comfortable with shouting out I'M FAT! SO FREAKING WHAT?!

One of the sites that has been instrumental for me is Big Fat Deal. It was because of the people in that community that I made the decision to start this blog; to lose the weight I want to, take charge in my own life, learn to accept who and what I am, and to publicise the whole thing. They recently did an article on a post over at The Rotund about fat dating, which struck a chord with me as I'd done a post on the pitfalls of being fat and looking for romance. Both are excellent pieces, but it was something said by lampdevil in the comments at Big Fat Deal that really blew me away.

I’ve spent more than my fair share of time moping around all single-like, convinced that my horrid ugliness was repulsing everyone and ruining my life. It’s an easy trap to fall into. But the last time I pulled myself out of it, it was due to the realization that I cannot meet guys if I do not… meet guys. Y’know. Leave the house. And go to places where people are. And meet those people.

It’s crazy, I know! But your chances of hookin’ up with someone are vastly improved if you put yourself out there. I forced my mopey ass out my apartment door and joined a gaming club, accepted every let’s-go-out-after-work invite from my female co-workers, and otherwise made an effort to locate people that I got along with. It was certainly no guarantee that I was going to meet a guy, but it was more entertaining than sitting at home vaccuming the cat hair from my couch. And hey, I made some friends! And I met some guys! And dated some guys! And dumped some guys. And moved in with this one guy that’s right awesome.

This goes for everyone, fat or skinny or short or tall or whatever. It’s not always easy to get into that place where you’re able to make connections with others, but it’s absolutely worth doing. The world is often not as hateful and harsh as one might think. Or maybe I’m just too cheerfully deluded to notice, ever since I managed to drown out my self-loathing inner soundtrack. Things feel so… bright. Hopeful. I keep positive people close to me, and I avoid the negative ones. Contentment with myself has transformed into something confidence-esque. And confidence is waaaaay attractive. :D

Now I know exactly how that feels; I've spent a heck of a lot of time moping around because I'm fat and ugly and no one will ever fancy me because how could anyone fancy someone who looks like this? The remarkable thing about that comment is that it applies to non fatties almost as often as it does fatties. I know and have known a large number of people, none of whom could ever be described as fat, with exactly that problem.

And the simple truth is this: it's not fatness that is ugly, nor is it the case that skinny is sexy. None of that really matters. When it comes to romance, and indeed friendships, the thing that matters far more than how you look is how you see yourself. Nobody is ever going to fancy a mopy shut in, except maybe another mopey shut in, but if they're both sat in their rooms moping all the time how are they ever going to meet. The most important thing in the world when it comes to developing meaningful relationships, both platonic and romantic, is to be an interesting, confident person than people want to talk to, to spend time with. Everything else is secondary.

Thinking back on my personal romantic experience it was certainly the case. I found the love of my life after deciding to give up on looking for romance and concentrating on finding new hobbies and becoming an interesting, outgoing and hopefully confident person.

Those of you who are reading this looking for romance, try something for me. Try putting it to the back of your mind, and concentrate on finding a new hobby, and on meeting new people. Don't be afraid to try new things, even if a few of them scare you. Even if you don't find the love of your life, you might find your're too busy having fun to worry about it.

Love Starts With a Smile

Been looking for this for a while. It's an old email meme that I got years ago and thought was nice enough to keep, but I thought I'd lost it. I found it today whilst clearing out old files on my laptop and decided to share it with you.

Enjoy!




LOVE STARTS WITH A SMILE



Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you

If love isn't a game, why are there so many players?

Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.

You can only go as far as you push.

Actions speak louder than words.

The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.

Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.

Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.

A BEST FRIEND is like a four leaf clover, HARD TO FIND and LUCKY TO HAVE.

Some people make the world SPECIAL just by being in it.

BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us.

When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look
beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.







TRUE FRIENDSHIP "NEVER" ENDS.

Friends are FOREVER.

Good friends are like stars....You don't always see them, but you know they
are always there.

Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.

What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the
person who made you cry?

Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.

Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.

Most people walk in and out of you life, but only friends leave footprints in
your heart.

Send this on to everyone special in your life, even the people who really
make you mad sometimes and to the people whose lives you want to be in!!!


Remember, every minute spent angry is sixty seconds of happiness wasted.

Love

Love. It's a funny word isn't it? We think we know what it means, but we don't. Even when we feel it we can't define it. You can't describe how you love someone, you just know that you do. It is a term that is universal yet undefinable; something unique and remarkable.

And can you ever pinpoint the exact moment you fell in love with someone? I don't think so. You can only pinpoint the moment it hit you that was how you felt about them. The actual falling in love part happened sometime before.

Is it really a tangible thing, then?

"If music be the food of love, play on," said Orsino.

It's only when you're in love yourself that you understand what the love songs are about. And then you realise that they're right, every single one of them. Yes, love can hurt, but it is also true that the pleasure is worth all the pain. That feeling of elation you get when it's going right far outweighs the feeling of hurt when it all goes wrong.

No matter how many times a heart is broken it can still heal and learnt to love again. It is an amazing thing. And even though it is intangible and undefinable, love is fundamental to making us human.