Sunday, 8 May 2016

#whimword - Ring

The ring was given to me by my grandmother, a family heirloom. No one knew how old it was. It had been in the family longer than anyone could remember; my grandmother’s grandmother had given it to her and she’d received it from her grandmother.
It was old. Unspeakably so.
Family rumour held that should the ring ever leave the family’s possession then disaster would fall. The stories were vague on what manner of disaster, but it would be a disaster nonetheless. Perhaps the loss of the ring would result in a death, or the ruination of the family fortune.
My task then was to act as the ring’s custodian, to ensure its safekeeping. Easy enough, or so I thought.
I had not reckoned on the ring having a mind of its own.
The ring was too small for my finger, so I usually wore it on a chain around my neck, assuming it would be safest next to my skin. I would frequently find that it had somehow slipped its chain, or that the chain itself had come undone. The discovery would be followed by a frantic search for my prized possession, lest I disappoint the entire family with my carelessness. More often or not the ring would turn up within a few hours, in my bed or the sink or in a pile of papers I’d been looking at.
I was thankful that it never seemed to go far.
Once the ring went missing for an entire week, during which time I lost my job, my father passed away and my long term girlfriend left me for another woman. When I finally found it (down the back of the sofa) I nearly sobbed with relief.
I made sure to keep a much closer eye on it from then on.
But still it would occasionally escape from me.
After the death of my father my mother broke her silence concerning the ring. She spoke of how grateful she was that she had been skipped over as custodian (the ring was always passed down grandmother to granddaughter and our family always bore daughters) and told some stories of her own mother’s trials in keeping the ring.
It seemed that that was part of whatever deal had been made in the mists of time immemorial; our family would prosper so long as we could keep hold of the ring, but the ring itself would not make that task easy. My mother believed that a spirit had somehow been trapped within the simple gold band and that’s what gave the ring a life of it’s own.
When my mother passed I misplaced the ring for a whole year during which I almost died of meningitis. My daughter found and returned it to me. She nursed me back to health.
Truly the day I adopted her was the best of my life.

One day I would pass the ring to the daughter she would undoubtedly have and our family would continue to flourish.

Wednesday, 17 February 2016

#whimword - Toothbrush

It’s just a toothbrush, isn’t it?
But if that’s the case why is it scaring her so badly?
Because it’s not just a toothbrush, it’s a symbol. Having her own toothbrush round the other woman’s apartment means something.
It means that they’re thinking about this being more than what they’ve been pretending it is, and that’s terrifying.
This thing between them was supposed to be casual. Fuck and run, fuck and run. Pretend every time is an accident and that they have no plans to do it again. That’s how it’s been for six months now. That’s how it’s supposed to continue. But feelings have an annoying habit of getting in the way and the toothbrush by the sink is just a symbol of that.
It means premeditation. It suggests permanence.
She’s not entirely sure how to deal with that.
This was never supposed to be about anything but sex but now they sleep through the night in each other’s arms, call each other when they’ve had a bad day. They cook each other meals and sometimes, just sometimes, if they’re both tired and stressed out, they don’t even have sex. They’ll just hold each other and murmur reassurances to each other before falling asleep curled around each other.
And now there’s a toothbrush by the sink.
It’s never just been sex between them. That should have been blindingly obvious at the beginning but they were both lost in the red haze of sex, lost in each other and too determined to live in denial a little longer. As much as they’ve both tried to pretend otherwise this thing has involved feelings—deep ones—ever since the first time they kissed.
Really two grown women should have been more astute, more emotionally aware but they had their reasons. And honestly it’s kind of difficult to think about serious things when there’s a talented tongue wrapped around your nipple.
But now there’s a toothbrush. The line has been drawn and the serious feelings they’ve both tried to avoid for the last six months have been brought to the forefront. They have to talk about it.
Oddly enough she’s not as scared as she thought she would be. Now that the mask has been torn away and there’s nothing to hide behind she feels calm. As though this is all very inevitable. And really they’ve always been headed for this place, they’re just not very good at admitting the truth to themselves.
Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be. Their own odd kind of normal. Honestly she can see them bumbling around like this together for the rest of their lives. It’s a nice thought actually.
Maybe they’ll never really mention feelings, and that’s fine.
“I noticed the new addition in the bathroom,” she says.
“Yeah?” The other woman is tense, wondering if everything is about to come crashing down.
“Maybe I could leave a few clothes over too. If that’s okay.”
Her smile is luminous. “Okay.”

It was never just a toothbrush.

Friday, 22 January 2016

#whimword - Confidence

Your palms are sweaty, your hands shaking. There is the taste of bile in your throat and if you get through this without vomiting it'll be a fucking miracle. You don't need to look in the mirror to know you look like shit; you already know that your face is pale, your fringe stuck to your forehead with perspiration.

You have never been so fucking nervous in your whole life.

There's a knock on the door and a voice telling you it's time.

As you walk through the backstage area you hear people calling out to you, reassuring you, telling you it'll be fine. You wish you could believe them.

"Good luck out there."

"You'll do great."

"Break a leg!"

You're not ready for this. You know it in your heart. Not for the first time you wonder why you were chosen for this when so many others must have been better candidates. What could they have possibly seen in you that made them choose you?

You try to think back, try to remember what happened that day that set you on this path, but you can't remember. The only thing in your mind is a blinding white terror and you know that you're going to fuck this up. How can you not? This isn't meant for you. You shouldn't be here. You don't belong.

Not for the first time you consider running. If you bolt now they'll be disappointed in you but at least then they'll hate you for running, not for fucking up this wonderful opportunity you should never have been given in the first place. The only reason you don't run the fuck away is because your knees feel weak and you're not convinced your legs will be able to carry you any meaningful distance.

You're down to two choices then; go out there and do what is expected of you and probably fuck up, or pass out. Passing out feels like the more attractive prospect but somehow you know you won't be able to.

There's a buzz in your brain now, a strange fizzy feeling in your limbs you know is adrenaline. Fight or flight response has kicked in and since you've already ruled out flight there's only one option left. Fighting means going out there and doing your thing, no matter the consequences. You're still not convinced you'll be able to pull this off without screwing up and letting people down, but the only option left is to try.

The lights go down and you're out of time.

The sick feeling has disappeared completely, though you're not entirely sure when. You feel... excited? You're ready. How on earth did that happen?

There's a murmur of anticipation that sets your blood on fire. You wonder why you were even nervous in the first place; this is what you were born to do, who you were born to be.


The audience applauds as you step out into that spotlight and you realise, you were ready after all.

Friday, 15 January 2016

#whimword - Citizen

Everyone in the Commonwealth wants to be a citizen. It means you're civilized, accepted; you have rights. Only a tiny fraction of the Commonwealth's inhabitants ever acquire citizenship, and most of them are wealthy. For those born without means the only way to obtain citizenship is through service.

Joining the army is the fastest route to becoming a citizen, but it's also an excellent way to get killed. Jace chose to serve in planetary security; it takes about twice as long to earn citizenship that way, but it's much safer. Which had been fine with Jace's husband in the beginning, but he's starting to get a little frustrated with how long it's taking.

Tom wants kids, they both do, but the only way they were ever going to get permission to adopt is if one of them obtains citizenship. And Tom had been barred from serving in most professions that led to citizenship after he'd lost his leg in the hovercar accident. Over the last few years Jace has come to realise that the man he loves isn't going to wait forever to start a family.

Jace needs to get his citizenship, and soon.

Which is why he was using his security clearance to break into the Commonwealth Citizenship offices in the dead of night. All it will take is a few changes in a database and he will become a citizen. And then his husband will stay with him and they can start the family they'd always dreamed of.

His mission is interrupted by the blare of alarms. Jace's heart is in his mouth as the security barriers come crashing down around him. There's no point in running; his heart is already broken. Without his citizenship there is no doubt that Tom will leave him and it'll all be for nothing. He lies on the ground with his hands on his head and submits meekly.

The trial is smooth and justice is swift; Jace had been caught red-handed abusing security privileges and trespassing on Commonwealth government property. He doesn't bother protesting his innocence. The judge sentences him to twenty years in prison and he's permanently barred from obtaining citizenship.

Prison isn't too bad; he gets fed and is kept busy but he misses Tom. Family aren't allowed to visit until after the first year of the sentence; Jace doesn't expect to see Tom even then. Surely he will have moved on; taken up with someone who can provide the children he so desperately wants.

After a year and a day in prison, Jace receives a visitor. When he sees his husband on the other side of the security glass he almost breaks down in tears he's so glad to see him.

"I thought I'd never see you again," he says crying.

"Oh you dolt," Tom says affectionately. "I love you."


Maybe they do still have a future together, despite prison and the ruined chances of having a family. Maybe Jace is enough after all, even without being a citizen.

Friday, 4 December 2015

#whimword - Relative

It is a well documented fact that time slows down as you approach the speed of light. It was one of the things complicating off-world travel. The other, of course, being that you can't go faster than the speed of light, at least not without breaking physics in some new and exciting way.

Fortunately, at the speeds humanity was currently capable of, travel within the solar system wasn't too much of a problem. The most anyone had ever lost due to time dilation was a few days.

But for travel outside the solar system there was the potential to lose years. Which was why Cassie had said goodbye to her family and friends before she embarked on this mission.

It was high risk, what she was planning to do. And even if it worked she might never see her loved ones ever again. But for the chance to be the first human to travel outside the solar system. It was worth it.

Cassie's nerves increased as the countdown began. She was strapped into a ship that was little more than the most powerful engine humanity could make and a navigation array.

She felt the orbital launcher's docking clamps release as the countdown hit 5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

The engines fired up and Cassie was pinned to her seat by incredible amounts of G-force. Accelerating from stationary to almost the speed of light sure took it out of a person. But Cassie had trained for this and she managed not to pass out.

The tiny craft roared towards it's initial destination; the Sun. The plan was to slingshot around the largest body in the solar system, skirting as close to the Sun's surface as the ship's hull plating could handle. With a bit of luck the extra velocity generated during this manoeuvre would push the craft even closer to the speed of light and throw Cassie out of the solar system on a trajectory to the nearest star, Alpha Centauri.

Assuming Cassie wasn't turned into a red paste at some point during this manoeuvre, she'd signal home and they'd work out how the hell to get her back. Even if everything went to plan and she made it back to Earth, everyone there would have aged sixty years while she stayed the same.

That was the best case scenario. Cassie wasn't entirely convinced their little trip around the sun wouldn't send her back in time searching for whales.

It was crunch time.

Cassie steered the craft into the pre-agreed trajectory, hoping against hope she wouldn't burn up.

The hull plating held. She didn't crash into the sun.

The next thing Cassie knew she was in an unfamiliar system, orbiting an unfamiliar star.

It had worked!

Cassie's heart thundered in her chest as she did the post-flight checks. There was a little singing on the outer hull but no major damage. Everything had gone according to plan.

Now to radio home, find out if anyone was listening.


"Hello, is anyone there?"

Monday, 30 November 2015

NaNoWriMo 2015 - Day 30

Here we are at the end of National Novel Writing Month. For those brave and foolish adventurers like myself, it has been a month filled with words and story. Some of us have made it to the finish line, some of us haven't. And that's okay. Anyone who has more words now at the end of November than they did at the start is a winner in my my book. Those of us who hit 50,000 words are just overachievers.

And yes, I am indeed in that category.



I hit my target of 50k words in one month. And on my first NaNoWriMo as well.

So how's it been for me?

Pretty good overall. It's been fun. Stressful, but then that's my own fault for deciding to attempt NaNo whilst in the final stages of my PhD. It probably wasn't the best plan I've ever had but I did pass my viva and succeed at NaNo. So everything turned out fine in the end.

It wasn't all smooth sailing though. I fell off the blogging wagon just over half way though. This was partly because it was getting a little tedious blogging about writing a novel I don't want to share details of yet. Mostly it was because I flagged a little and it was a case of either blogging or working on NaNo. I chose NaNo.

Would I do it again?

Absolutely. In fact I have a few other writing challenges lined up for next year in what has been dubbed as OPERATION WORDS OR GLORY by my friend Susan. And the plan does include doing NaNo again next year. If I haven't burnt out completely by then, which is a possibility.


Here's the graph of how I did over the course of the month because I like graphs. I particularly like this on because it's pretty obvious where in the month my viva fell. My daily word counts are below as well, mostly for my own future reference.

So that's the end of NaNoWriMo. I did it.

My plan for the rest of the year is to finish off my current works in progress, which includes my novel. 50k words wasn't quite enough to wrap things up and I'm looking forward to seeing the end of the story. I also have a couple of things I put on hold for NaNo that I need to get back to.

Then in the new year (how the hell is it nearly 2016 anyway) I can start on something fresh.

Gotta keep writing.


 November Word Count

Day 1 3734 : Total 3734
Day 2 2044 : Total 5738
Day 3 1701 : Total 7439
Day 4 1690 : Total 9129
Day 5 1887 : Total 11016
Day 6 2034 : Total 13050
Day 7 3632 : Total 16682
Day 8 1065 : Total 17747
Day 9 1279 : Total 19026
Day 10 545 : Total 19571
Day 11 0     : Total 19571
Day 12 0     : Total 19571
Day 13 309  : Total 19880
Day 14 3170 : Total 23050
Day 15 2001 : Total 25061
Day 16 1663 : Total 26724
Day 17 1718 : Total 28442
Day 18 2188 : Total 30630
Day 19 1791 : Total 32421
Day 20 951   : Total 33372
Day 21 3676 : Total 37048
Day 22 2022 : Total 39070
Day 23 1125 : Total 40195
Day 24 264   : Total 40459
Day 25 2008 : Total 42476
Day 26 1739 : Total 44206
Day 27 856   : Total 45062
Day 28 1114 : Total 46176
Day 29 86     : Total 46262
Day 30 3816 : Total 50078



Tuesday, 17 November 2015

NaNoWriMo 2015 - Day 17

Today was probably my worst day for procrastinating on NaNo so far. Not because I wasn't writing, quite the opposite.

In fact I ended up writing something else instead of working on my novel.

I've read a lot of writing advice on not starting anything new while you're working on a story and it's good advice. I'm just terrible at following it. I'm always working with more than one story at a time and I've actually got three or four works in progress that I put on hold for NaNo. I figure every writer is different and that's just how I work. Ideas just come to me too quickly to ever have just one story on the go.

Today I wound up with a first line and a concept in my head and I knew I wouldn't be able to knuckle down on my novel until I'd gotten them out. SO I ended up writing a completely unrelated 1000 word flash fiction which introduced a superhero and her sidekick who I'm totally going to end up telling more stories about. So, oops.

But I did sit down and work on the novel and I'm still on track to finish on time which is good. I'm still hoping I'll get one or two really good days in so I can get ahead but we'll see what happens. I'm still on track and that means I'm winning.


 November Word Count

Day 1 3734 : Total 3734
Day 2 2044 : Total 5738
Day 3 1701 : Total 7439
Day 4 1690 : Total 9129
Day 5 1887 : Total 11016
Day 6 2034 : Total 13050
Day 7 3632 : Total 16682
Day 8 1065 : Total 17747
Day 9 1279 : Total 19026
Day 10 545 : Total 19571
Day 11 0 : Total 19571
Day 12 0 : Total 19571
Day 13 309 : Total 19880
Day 14 3170: Total 23050
Day 15 2001 : Total 25061
Day 16 1663 : Total 26724
Day 17 1718 : Total 28442