Ten things to ten people: you should know who you are

Ten things to ten people:

1) You remind me of a love song. Every single one. The ones about happiness and butterflies and forever and also the ones about broken hearts. You are the light in my life, and I’m sorry it’s taken this for me to realise it. Things won’t ever be perfect, it’s beyond human nature to make it so, but we can have a damned good try at getting as close as possible. I have started to heal, started to realise I need to be complete on my own. Now I’m just waiting for you. Don’t take too long to catch me up.

2) You’ve been a good friend. I thought I’d lost you for a bit, but I’ve got back the friend I knew and loved. And you’ve become a wonderful sounding board for me. I know I can talk to you and you won’t judge me. You’ve become a true friend and confidante, and I hope that this can continue, even after we have both sorted out our issues.

3) We nearly lost our friendship. I’d like to blame it on you but in truth it was also my fault for being too cowardly to confront you. You did something I don’t approve of, you know what that was. Yes, I am disappointed you did what you did, but at the end of the day it’s your life; it’s none of my damn business and you should know by now I’m not in the habit of judging friends. I was more hurt you felt you couldn’t tell me. We nearly lost everything and I want to get it back. Talk to me. I’m not an ogre, and I will never judge you.

4) You’re still proud of me. You’re one of the few people I’ve ever felt good enough for. We stopped talking about what really matters for far too long but we’ve started to get that back. I’m hoping that our relationship can continue to go from strength to strength.

5) You’re another good friend. I’m starting to notice just how many of those I seem to have. Things are hard for you too at the moment, and yet you still take time out of your life to be there for me. I don’t know what I would do without you at the moment. Talking to you has helped me realise so many things. I only hope that at some point I can return the favour.

6) If someone had told me three years ago that you would have become on of my most enduring friends I don’t think I would have believed them. On the surface we have little in common, but often oddballs will get on regardless. I love that we can always talk, no matter what the subject, and I love that you come to me for advice. Makes me feel useful.

7) Sometimes I think you’re still the fifteen year old I once knew, but then I remember that doesn’t matter. You’re my friend. You stay in touch, and you’re someone I can rely on when I need to. You’ll come to full maturity in your own time. Growing up is scary, and I did it far too fast. Maybe you have the right idea.

8) I still haven’t managed to fully escape your shadow. I so desperately want to, but I don’t know how to go about that without some answers. All I want to know is why, if you can even remember. I want to know I was more to you than that. I want closure on that part of my life, so that I can truly move on and be happy. Is that really too much to ask?

9) I’ve never felt good enough for you, and if I was honest I think you’ve contributed at least in part to my lack of self worth. It’s none of your business the person I have become or the person I choose to be. You have no right to make me feel like a child again, you have no right bring me down, or stop me reaching my full potential. You are not my mother, and I think you should remember that.

10) You are stronger than you think you are. You are a beautiful person, inside and out, even if the wrong people don’t realise it. You are flawed, but no more so than the rest of humanity. You need to learn to truly love the good things about yourself, change the things you don’t like and learn to embrace everything else. You are strong, you know you are. You have accomplished so much already, so why is this bringing you down? You have good friends, trust them, lean on them when you need to; they will not think less of you or think you a burden. You are an amazing, wonderful person. Other people have already begun to appreciate that, it’s time you did too. You can’t hide behind your childhood fears any more. I won’t let you.

10 ways to deal with exam stress

Check out my recently published content on AC:

10 Ways to Deal with Exam Stress

Fluff

So, hey. Apparently I only remember I have a LiveJournal when they email me to tell me stuff o.O

Long time no post, but that's due to busy busy busy and stuff going on. Things are not so good at the moment with life, but I'm not going to whinge about it here like I normally do because then I'll sound like the depressed 14 year old goth/emo that I haven't been for APPROXIMATELY SIX YEARS!!!

So, stuff bad. But other people have it worse than me. With a bit of luck I'll be fine soon. In the meantime I'll just rant at my wall.

My Version of Hell

The Pope
Circle I Limbo

George Bush
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Saddam Hussein
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

General asshats
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Militant Vegans
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Osama bin Laden
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Scientologists
Circle VII Burning Sands

PETA Members
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

The Captain is Retiring

Fanfiction...

**sigh**

I remember when I wrote fanfiction. Not huge amounts, but I've written enough stories to be proud of. Not lately though.

Lately I have struggled to find the time, and when I do have the time I haven't got the inspiration. I've lost my mojo; the well has run dry. I don't have the same enthusiasm for the fandoms as I once did.

So this is it, I'm taking my final bow; this is the end of my relationship with fanfiction. Do not expect any more from the Captain. I may one or two more drabbles left in me, but they will b infrequent at best.

I want to thank everyone who's ever read or commented on my stories, the people who's stories I've loved, anyone who's ever given me encouragement help and feedback. Thanks guys, its been a hell of a ride.

So long...

My Music

I have a pretty eclectic taste in music. I know this, however, some of my friends don't. Some of the people I know still seem to think I'm stuck in the same musical rut I was when I was fourteen when pretty much all I listened to was rock and metal. So, in order to remedy this incorrect assumption, I have taken the liberty of cataloging my music collection.

It can be found here: captainraz's music collection

This is by no means an exhaustive list, and is very much a work in progress. Neither is it a complete list of my musical taste as it focuses only on whole albums rather than odd songs by an artist that I have. It should give all you doubters an idea of just how diverse my taste in music is.

And who knows, maybe I will compile a list of all the artists I like.

Maybe...

Long time no post...

Wow it's been a while since I've posted on here. Just goes to show how happy and busy I've been since August. Well, as a quick digest of my life;

In September I moved into a house with three of my friends from Uni. Times have been excellent and frivolous and much goodness has been had. They are good people, the house is lovely and well suited to me getting to lectures etc, and it's generally been great fun being a proper adult.

Later in September I started my second year at University *insert gasps and other panicky noises here*. Work has been challenging but the load fairly manageable up to this point. Next semester might be slightly different; 3 extra modules, an extra lab and a dissertation to write (it's not fair, its only my second year!!). Only two exams in January, which is good. I do have a test tomorrow (technically today by this point :S) but its only worth 10% of the module and we're allowed crib sheets :D Wish me luck anyway.

Society stuff has been quite fun. I'm enjoying being Vice President (or President of Vice as I like to call myself :P), knowing I'm really in charge without doing very much. Had a load of training to do and we've had one or two hiccups, but other than that it's been great fun. Will definitely be running again for next year :)

Christmas is coming up soon. I've got my first advent calender in years and I'm enjoying eating the chocolates before breakfast (cos I was never allowed to as a kid). No real idea what I want for myself but I've just about sorted other people out. I'm expecting good things from the bloke though :)

Speaking of whom, it is slowly creeping up to our first anniversary together :D I know it's not til the end of January, but I can't help being excited and part of me still can't believe it. We had wanted to go to Paris for the weekend to celebrate, but money and time constraints wouldn't allow :( So we've booked a mini-cruise to Amsterdam for sometime before we both have exams, and I can't wait. I know we're not quite there yet but I am so looking forward to another year together. We're planning on moving in together for our third year, which will be absolutely wonderful.

Anyways, it's late and I'd better shoot off. See ya'll again the next time I get the urge to post.