Thursday, 10 January 2008
Letter to an Old Friend; an old Flame
I wish you could see me now; see the person I have become without you, because of you. Here I am in my element, wearing my personality on my sleeve; but not my heart. Not my heart. I cannot wear my heart on my sleeve where it belongs with my personality because you never quite gave me it back when you broke it. You left. You left me alone to slowly mend the pieces of my broken heart; to collect them from where you scattered them to the four winds.
I think that you would disapprove of me if you knew me now; there are so many things I have done and will continue to do that I know you would not like. But I do not do them out of spite; that is not in my nature and I never hated you enough to spite you. I tried to hate you, but I could never bring myself to do it. No, I simply do these things because it is me. I am simply wearing my personality on my sleeve; or in my hair. I never quite realised how much I could not be myself around you. I know now.
You told me you loved me; I told you the same. Many times I wondered if you really meant it. Some days I wonder if you ever really knew the meaning of the word. I know I did. In the end, loving you meant that I had to let you walk out of my life and break my heart without rhyme nor reason nor prior warning. Because I could never have forced you to stay if it was no longer right for you. Yes, despite everything, I loved you with my whole heart, and a small part of me still does. Some part of me always will.
For me, this is closure. I have cried over you, and for you, more times than I care to count. I will shed no more tears for you. My heart has belonged to you long enough, and now it is time to move on. Though you broke it, it is now mended and ripe for giving to someone else; finally I am free. I am ready to be everything I was before, and I will fall in love again. I can and I will.
All I am waiting for now is another knight in shining armour to come set my heart and soul on fire. I will wear my heart on my sleeve for him, and he will teach me how to love again.
Friday, 4 January 2008
My first meme of 2008!
Haven't posted in a while so I thought i'd kick of 2008 with this meme nicked from a friend on facebook
SINCE 2007 STARTED: (All that time ago lol)
1. Have you had a gf/bf?: Brought in '07 with one, didn’t bring in '08 with him though
2. Have you had your birthday?: Yes, and its hurtling towards me again
3. Been to church?: Yeah for some rededication thing
4. Cried yet?: In 07, lots.
5.Had sex?: See aforementioned boyfriend comment
6 Had someone close to you pass away?: Yes. My favourite Great Aunt Passed away the week I started UNI and mum didn’t tell me
7 Pulled an all nighter?: Tried to lol
8 Drank starbucks?: NO, I prefer my coffee homemade and non corporation-like (ran away from me lol)
9 Gone shopping?: *blank, disbeleiving stare*
10. Gone to the movies?: Couple of times
11 Been to the beach? Yup
12 Bought something for over $200?: Bought my sports membership which was over £100
13 Met someone new?: Loads of fabulous people
14 Been out of your home state?: Several times
15. Gone snowboarding?: No, not that I wuold be adverse to going snowboarding
[[In The Past Month...]]
1. Kissed someone?: Yeah my best mate Shwenny at New Year
2. Slept in a friend's bed?: Shwenny again
3. Snuck someone over?: Nope
4. Snuck out of your own house?: Nope
5. Been in a bar?: Oh yes
6. Lied?: not that I know of
7. Gotten a car?: Driving is a touchy subject, so no
8. Gone over your cell phone bill?: Nah, cos my mum pays it now!
9. Been called a whore? Not in my hearing
10. Drove somewhere?: Got driven home for Xmas
11. Done something you regret?: I don’t believe in regret. Theorectically
[[Last's...]]
Things you bought lately?: Alcohol lol
Person you hugged?: Mum
Person to call you?: Some random personwho hung up on me
When was the last time you felt stupid? Crying on Mark at Spider’s
When was the last time you walked/ran over a mile?: Mile? Walk? Run? No comprende
Who was the last person who saw you cry?: Mark
Who was the last person who made you cry?: Aforementioned Ex Boyfriend
Who was the last person you watched a movie with?: Watched Star Wars; New Hope with my bros the other day
Who was the last person you danced with?: Can’t rememebr. I dance all the time lol
Who did you last yell at?: Antbody I was in Spider’s with, its bloody loud lol
Who last told you they loved you?: Shwenny
Who makes you smile most?: Depends on what they’re doing as to who lol
What are you listening to right now?: Nightwish; Slaying the Dreamer
What did you do yesterday?: Revised Biochemistry, got a new tattoo, farted around for a bit, went to the scouty xmas dinner yum!
Hugs or kisses?: Both are great lol
SINCE 2007 STARTED: (All that time ago lol)
1. Have you had a gf/bf?: Brought in '07 with one, didn’t bring in '08 with him though
2. Have you had your birthday?: Yes, and its hurtling towards me again
3. Been to church?: Yeah for some rededication thing
4. Cried yet?: In 07, lots.
5.Had sex?: See aforementioned boyfriend comment
6 Had someone close to you pass away?: Yes. My favourite Great Aunt Passed away the week I started UNI and mum didn’t tell me
7 Pulled an all nighter?: Tried to lol
8 Drank starbucks?: NO, I prefer my coffee homemade and non corporation-like (ran away from me lol)
9 Gone shopping?: *blank, disbeleiving stare*
10. Gone to the movies?: Couple of times
11 Been to the beach? Yup
12 Bought something for over $200?: Bought my sports membership which was over £100
13 Met someone new?: Loads of fabulous people
14 Been out of your home state?: Several times
15. Gone snowboarding?: No, not that I wuold be adverse to going snowboarding
[[In The Past Month...]]
1. Kissed someone?: Yeah my best mate Shwenny at New Year
2. Slept in a friend's bed?: Shwenny again
3. Snuck someone over?: Nope
4. Snuck out of your own house?: Nope
5. Been in a bar?: Oh yes
6. Lied?: not that I know of
7. Gotten a car?: Driving is a touchy subject, so no
8. Gone over your cell phone bill?: Nah, cos my mum pays it now!
9. Been called a whore? Not in my hearing
10. Drove somewhere?: Got driven home for Xmas
11. Done something you regret?: I don’t believe in regret. Theorectically
[[Last's...]]
Things you bought lately?: Alcohol lol
Person you hugged?: Mum
Person to call you?: Some random personwho hung up on me
When was the last time you felt stupid? Crying on Mark at Spider’s
When was the last time you walked/ran over a mile?: Mile? Walk? Run? No comprende
Who was the last person who saw you cry?: Mark
Who was the last person who made you cry?: Aforementioned Ex Boyfriend
Who was the last person you watched a movie with?: Watched Star Wars; New Hope with my bros the other day
Who was the last person you danced with?: Can’t rememebr. I dance all the time lol
Who did you last yell at?: Antbody I was in Spider’s with, its bloody loud lol
Who last told you they loved you?: Shwenny
Who makes you smile most?: Depends on what they’re doing as to who lol
What are you listening to right now?: Nightwish; Slaying the Dreamer
What did you do yesterday?: Revised Biochemistry, got a new tattoo, farted around for a bit, went to the scouty xmas dinner yum!
Hugs or kisses?: Both are great lol
Friday, 21 December 2007
GRRRR!!!
I have come to the conclusion that there is in fact a God, and that he/she absolutely hates me.
I was supposed to be taking my driving test today. And I quite desperately wanted to pass, though if you had asked me about it yesterday I would have told you I hated driving and would rather be fed to a demonic penguin than take my test. Well, it seems I got my wish, and not about the being fed to a penguin.
Come this morning when we went to get my paperwork for my test, the paper part of my licence is not where we put it. Nor is it anywhere else (and we near tore the house apart looking for it). There was a little bit of crying (because I care very much about losing fifty quid) and a little bit of shouting (which upset the dog) but to no avail. My licence has simply dropped off the face of the Earth. Nobody can remember having seen it since my theory test in July and we’re wondering if the lovely people at the test centre might have forgotten to give me it back. Stupid idea it coming in two parts anyway.
So I have just wasted £185 on driving lessons (money which I desperately needed) for nothing. And I’m not impressed, not least because I could have spent this week revising for my exams instead of stressing about driving. And I’m certainly not going to be able to afford a new license, more lessons and another test while I’m still at University.
I have simply come to the conclusion that I am not meant to drive (because they cancelled my test in September as well) and I’m just going to have to marry someone very rich so I can have a chauffer to drive me everywhere.
I’ll let you know how that one goes…
I was supposed to be taking my driving test today. And I quite desperately wanted to pass, though if you had asked me about it yesterday I would have told you I hated driving and would rather be fed to a demonic penguin than take my test. Well, it seems I got my wish, and not about the being fed to a penguin.
Come this morning when we went to get my paperwork for my test, the paper part of my licence is not where we put it. Nor is it anywhere else (and we near tore the house apart looking for it). There was a little bit of crying (because I care very much about losing fifty quid) and a little bit of shouting (which upset the dog) but to no avail. My licence has simply dropped off the face of the Earth. Nobody can remember having seen it since my theory test in July and we’re wondering if the lovely people at the test centre might have forgotten to give me it back. Stupid idea it coming in two parts anyway.
So I have just wasted £185 on driving lessons (money which I desperately needed) for nothing. And I’m not impressed, not least because I could have spent this week revising for my exams instead of stressing about driving. And I’m certainly not going to be able to afford a new license, more lessons and another test while I’m still at University.
I have simply come to the conclusion that I am not meant to drive (because they cancelled my test in September as well) and I’m just going to have to marry someone very rich so I can have a chauffer to drive me everywhere.
I’ll let you know how that one goes…
Saturday, 8 December 2007
Metamorfic_Moon All Hallow's Moon Fic Jumble
Just realised that it does in fact say fanfiction in the title of my journal. So here are my entries to the above mentioned challenge.
Title: Bridging The Gap
Author: captainraz
Rating & Warnings: PG; some language
Prompts: Day Of Forgiveness, Mrs Scower’s Magical Mess Remover, Action/Adventure or angst, Location Prompt #1
Word Count: 2,466
Summary: Sometimes the smallest of things can fix the biggest of messes.
Author’s Notes: Didn't think I'd get this done at all, but here I am. And I managed to get all of the prompts in. No Halloween references though. It is set October-ish.
Bridging The Gap
Title: More Than They Bargained For
Author: Captainraz
Rating & Warnings: T, some swearing, refernces to adult themes, though nothing explicit
Prompts: Day of Peturbation, Enchanted Candle, Action/Adventure or Humour and Location Prompts #13 and #32
Word Count: 7026
Summary: The seeds of the idea behind the prank had been sown in the summer, when the Twins had been staying at Grimmauld Place. This time, there really was no doubting that Sirius Black was an evil, evil man.
Author’s Notes: I was a little bit naughty in using two locations prompts, but I was kind of hoping you’d all be too impressed to tell me off :). Especially since I have just about got all my prompts in. Thanks to Shwenny for the beta-job.
More Than They Bargained For
Title: Bridging The Gap
Author: captainraz
Rating & Warnings: PG; some language
Prompts: Day Of Forgiveness, Mrs Scower’s Magical Mess Remover, Action/Adventure or angst, Location Prompt #1
Word Count: 2,466
Summary: Sometimes the smallest of things can fix the biggest of messes.
Author’s Notes: Didn't think I'd get this done at all, but here I am. And I managed to get all of the prompts in. No Halloween references though. It is set October-ish.
Bridging The Gap
Title: More Than They Bargained For
Author: Captainraz
Rating & Warnings: T, some swearing, refernces to adult themes, though nothing explicit
Prompts: Day of Peturbation, Enchanted Candle, Action/Adventure or Humour and Location Prompts #13 and #32
Word Count: 7026
Summary: The seeds of the idea behind the prank had been sown in the summer, when the Twins had been staying at Grimmauld Place. This time, there really was no doubting that Sirius Black was an evil, evil man.
Author’s Notes: I was a little bit naughty in using two locations prompts, but I was kind of hoping you’d all be too impressed to tell me off :). Especially since I have just about got all my prompts in. Thanks to Shwenny for the beta-job.
More Than They Bargained For
Friday, 7 December 2007
Arms
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Saw this and immediatly thought of chapter fifteen of ladybracknell's Werewolf Who Stole Christmas.
Made me laugh too.
And the painkillers I'm on are only partly to blame as well.
Thursday, 29 November 2007
My name is Nymphadora Tonks, and I am a klutz
I am such an utter tit, it is almost incomprehensible.
I am currently sat in my study with my feet up, not because I have worked exceptionally hard this week and deserve a well earned break. Oh no, far from it. I am sat with my feet up because I took a spectacularly embarrassing fall down the steps of a lecture theatre this morning and have torn the ligaments in my ankle. And I fell down said steps whilst leaving a lecture I DIDN'T ACTUALLY NEED TO BE IN!
Now if the University staff could just make their emails a little less incomprehensible to us ere mortals, maybe I wouldn't be in this position. It means I can't physically go to my lectures this afternoon and I can't do my labs tomorrow. I have never been so glad that I am efficient in the lab and am far enough ahead that missing tomorrow really isn't the end of the world. Never mind I had hoped to finish this lab series tomorrow.
As it is I'm waiting for my mother to come pick me up so I can go be an invalid at home. Doesn't quite make up for the fact that I can't walk without it hurting like hell. On the plus side it means I'm getting some washing done.
I do love my mates though, they're being brilliant. Making sure I get notes for lectures I've missed and helping me get my work in on time since I can't drop it off myself. They call me Tonks, and I keep telling them that it's not just because I have pink hair, it's because I’m a complete klutz.
Guess I just gone and proved that one!
I am currently sat in my study with my feet up, not because I have worked exceptionally hard this week and deserve a well earned break. Oh no, far from it. I am sat with my feet up because I took a spectacularly embarrassing fall down the steps of a lecture theatre this morning and have torn the ligaments in my ankle. And I fell down said steps whilst leaving a lecture I DIDN'T ACTUALLY NEED TO BE IN!
Now if the University staff could just make their emails a little less incomprehensible to us ere mortals, maybe I wouldn't be in this position. It means I can't physically go to my lectures this afternoon and I can't do my labs tomorrow. I have never been so glad that I am efficient in the lab and am far enough ahead that missing tomorrow really isn't the end of the world. Never mind I had hoped to finish this lab series tomorrow.
As it is I'm waiting for my mother to come pick me up so I can go be an invalid at home. Doesn't quite make up for the fact that I can't walk without it hurting like hell. On the plus side it means I'm getting some washing done.
I do love my mates though, they're being brilliant. Making sure I get notes for lectures I've missed and helping me get my work in on time since I can't drop it off myself. They call me Tonks, and I keep telling them that it's not just because I have pink hair, it's because I’m a complete klutz.
Guess I just gone and proved that one!
Monday, 26 November 2007
Christmas Bells Are Ringing... Out Of Town!!
Have jsut signed up for the Winter Wonderland Advent at metamorfic_moon even though I quite blatantly don't have time to write for it. And that's depsite the fact the limit is 5000 words!
Let's see,I get home on the 16th of December, have a driving lesson on the 16th and my test on the 21st. I have a grand total of seven exams to revise for for January (or learn, depending on how you look at it). I'm also harbouring ambitions to get my novel finished before Crimblemas as I'm hoping to present the first draft to my mother. On top of that I also have at least two assignments to do between now and the end of term. And that's not even taking into account all of my friends who are gonna want to drag me and all of the Christmas socials I really can't afford to go to.
Looks like I'm going to have to stock up on the coffee because sleep might have to go right out of the window!!!
Despite the moaning, I am going to get all my work done write two fics for metamorfic_moon, finish my novel on time, pass my driving test and get at least 45% on all my exams.
Will keep you posted
Let's see,I get home on the 16th of December, have a driving lesson on the 16th and my test on the 21st. I have a grand total of seven exams to revise for for January (or learn, depending on how you look at it). I'm also harbouring ambitions to get my novel finished before Crimblemas as I'm hoping to present the first draft to my mother. On top of that I also have at least two assignments to do between now and the end of term. And that's not even taking into account all of my friends who are gonna want to drag me and all of the Christmas socials I really can't afford to go to.
Looks like I'm going to have to stock up on the coffee because sleep might have to go right out of the window!!!
Despite the moaning, I am going to get all my work done write two fics for metamorfic_moon, finish my novel on time, pass my driving test and get at least 45% on all my exams.
Will keep you posted
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