Friday, 29 August 2008
Letter to a Friend
I'm sorry.
I feel the need to apologise for so many things right now. Things have been hard lately, not just for me but for you as well. You have your own problems to deal with, and I shouldn't be dumping my own on you, nor should I be taking my anger and frustrations out on you. I don't like us arguing and I don't like the feeling that everything is not quite right between us.
You are my rock and my anchor, and right now I'm turning to you in desperation without thinking that you might need me too. I want to be there for you too, but I don't know how much I can help you because everything is so messed up in my own head. I don't feel like myself anymore; I don't feel like the confident young woman I have become, I feel like a scared little child who is running out of people to turn to.
But I am going to be better. I am going to be a better person, and I am going to be there for you when you need me.
I am not going to let the past ruin the present and dictate my future. Just because things went bad before doesn't mean they will again. I have to trust you completely, which I will admit I haven't been able to do of late.
I am going to trust you again.
I am going to be stronger than my issues; I won't let them beat me. As you and others keep telling me, most of them are unfounded anyway. But some of my issues have been there for a long time, I can't promise I will let go of them straight away. But I can promise that I will try.
I am going to be the person you need me to be. I can't live my life thinking only about myself, which is what I have been doing lately. You have your problems and issues too, and while I have tried my best to deal with them in the past I have been terribly lax of late. For that I am truly sorry.
Things have not been very good for me lately, not in any way really, you know this. But things will get better soon, I promise. When I'm free to be myself again, when I don't have the shadow of the past dragging up every single one of my issues and insecurities, when my issues aren't making me the most selfish person on the planet, when I have my own head sorted out, maybe then things will change.
Perhaps then I can be the friend you need me to be; the friend you deserve.
Tuesday, 26 August 2008
Love Starts With a Smile
Been looking for this for a while. It's an old email meme that I got years ago and thought was nice enough to keep, but I thought I'd lost it. I found it today whilst clearing out old files on my laptop and decided to share it with you.
Enjoy!
LOVE STARTS WITH A SMILE
Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.
Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you
If love isn't a game, why are there so many players?
Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.
You can only go as far as you push.
Actions speak louder than words.
The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.
Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.
Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.
A BEST FRIEND is like a four leaf clover, HARD TO FIND and LUCKY TO HAVE.
Some people make the world SPECIAL just by being in it.
BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us.
When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look
beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.
TRUE FRIENDSHIP "NEVER" ENDS.
Friends are FOREVER.
Good friends are like stars....You don't always see them, but you know they
are always there.
Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.
What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the
person who made you cry?
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
Most people walk in and out of you life, but only friends leave footprints in
your heart.
Send this on to everyone special in your life, even the people who really
make you mad sometimes and to the people whose lives you want to be in!!!
Remember, every minute spent angry is sixty seconds of happiness wasted.
Enjoy!
LOVE STARTS WITH A SMILE
Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.
Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you
If love isn't a game, why are there so many players?
Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.
You can only go as far as you push.
Actions speak louder than words.
The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.
Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.
Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.
A BEST FRIEND is like a four leaf clover, HARD TO FIND and LUCKY TO HAVE.
Some people make the world SPECIAL just by being in it.
BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us.
When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look
beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.
TRUE FRIENDSHIP "NEVER" ENDS.
Friends are FOREVER.
Good friends are like stars....You don't always see them, but you know they
are always there.
Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.
What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the
person who made you cry?
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
Most people walk in and out of you life, but only friends leave footprints in
your heart.
Send this on to everyone special in your life, even the people who really
make you mad sometimes and to the people whose lives you want to be in!!!
Remember, every minute spent angry is sixty seconds of happiness wasted.
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
My Novel
Yesterday was quite an important day for me, though it didn't quite feel like it at the time. I was busy, so the significance of the day slipped by unnoticed.
Yesterday marked a year since I started work on my novel.
I finished the first draft at Christmas, giving it to my mother as her present with a dedication to her in the front. If it ever gets published, it will have that same dedication in the front. I am still working on the second draft, struggling to fit in my writing around everything else I need and want to do; struggling to find the energy and the inspiration to write.
I desperately want to get this published, but am slowly coming to realise tat this is highly unlikely while I'm still at University. I want to be a professional writer, but I also want to get my degree. I wouldn't have the time to meet any promotional demands a publisher would make should I be lucky enough to get a publishing deal.
Therefore, I believe I have come to a decision. I am going to finish this novel, then put it to one side. I will wait until I have left university before I attempt to get my book published. In the meantime I plan to work on the other ideas in my head. I have at least one sequel to the one I'm currently writing in the pipeline and at least one other idea I would like to try.
What I really want is to get back to the joy of writing; to be able to just let my imagination tun wild without worrying about whether it will sell or if people will like it. For now I think I will write for me. I'll worry about all that other stuff later
Yesterday marked a year since I started work on my novel.
I finished the first draft at Christmas, giving it to my mother as her present with a dedication to her in the front. If it ever gets published, it will have that same dedication in the front. I am still working on the second draft, struggling to fit in my writing around everything else I need and want to do; struggling to find the energy and the inspiration to write.
I desperately want to get this published, but am slowly coming to realise tat this is highly unlikely while I'm still at University. I want to be a professional writer, but I also want to get my degree. I wouldn't have the time to meet any promotional demands a publisher would make should I be lucky enough to get a publishing deal.
Therefore, I believe I have come to a decision. I am going to finish this novel, then put it to one side. I will wait until I have left university before I attempt to get my book published. In the meantime I plan to work on the other ideas in my head. I have at least one sequel to the one I'm currently writing in the pipeline and at least one other idea I would like to try.
What I really want is to get back to the joy of writing; to be able to just let my imagination tun wild without worrying about whether it will sell or if people will like it. For now I think I will write for me. I'll worry about all that other stuff later
Monday, 14 July 2008
A meme a day ;p
Jacked from tegdoh
1. Which book would you like to jump into and why?
Most probably Lord of the Rings, given that its my favourite book. There’s so much to jump into, I could do anything I wanted in that world. As long as it involved waving a sword around and gurning at orcs once in while.
2. What do you do before bedtime?
check emails and facebook, say bye to Sam, put on pjs and brush teeth. Not necessarily in that order.
3. What will your dream wedding be like?
Simple, fairly low cost affair. What does it matter if you have 100 white doves or not as long as you’re marrying a man who loves you, respects you and wants to be with you for the rest of your lives?
4. If you can visit any planet, fictional or real what would it be?
Gallifrey. Orange sky people, how cool would that be?
5. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
A little bit of both, depending on the situation and who I’m with. And also occasionally the amount of alcohol available.
6. Cake or Death?
Uh death please… no! cake, cake, cake sorry.
You said death first ah ah ah death first!
I meant cake!
7. Do you trust easily?
No, not terribly easily no. But once I do I trust people implicitly.
8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Mope and be depressed about it and be utterly awkward and shy around him. Luckily, although he’s already attached, he’s attached to me ;p
9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Being treated like shit by a potential employer.
10. Do you have a good body-image?
Not really. Nor do I have a particularly good perceived body image.
11. Is being tagged fun?
Dunno, I tend to steal memes rather than being tagged for them.
12. What websites do you visit daily?
Facebook, hotmail, SFFS forums, Least I Could Do webcomic
13. What is your favourite item of clothing?
Dunno. I love most of my t shirts to bits and have a few jackets I’m very fond of.
14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
No idea cos no one tagged me, I stole it :D
15. What’s the last song that got stuck in your head?
Usually Dove L’Amore by Cher. That happens a lot at the moment.
16. Where would you most like to travel?
New Zealand, Finland. I’ve also been promised a trip to Paris at some time in the indefinite future.
17. What's better: to give or to receive?
I believe you need a healthy balance of both.
18. What's the first thing you notice in people?
Whether their personality is genuine.
19. Would you bungie jump from the Empire State Building for $10,000,000?
Yes. These things really aren’t as dangerous as people think. It’s just they’re well publicised if and when things go wrong.
20: What were your parents going to name you if you'd been born the opposite gender?
Christopher. Which is what my elder brother is called.
1. Which book would you like to jump into and why?
Most probably Lord of the Rings, given that its my favourite book. There’s so much to jump into, I could do anything I wanted in that world. As long as it involved waving a sword around and gurning at orcs once in while.
2. What do you do before bedtime?
check emails and facebook, say bye to Sam, put on pjs and brush teeth. Not necessarily in that order.
3. What will your dream wedding be like?
Simple, fairly low cost affair. What does it matter if you have 100 white doves or not as long as you’re marrying a man who loves you, respects you and wants to be with you for the rest of your lives?
4. If you can visit any planet, fictional or real what would it be?
Gallifrey. Orange sky people, how cool would that be?
5. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
A little bit of both, depending on the situation and who I’m with. And also occasionally the amount of alcohol available.
6. Cake or Death?
Uh death please… no! cake, cake, cake sorry.
You said death first ah ah ah death first!
I meant cake!
7. Do you trust easily?
No, not terribly easily no. But once I do I trust people implicitly.
8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Mope and be depressed about it and be utterly awkward and shy around him. Luckily, although he’s already attached, he’s attached to me ;p
9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Being treated like shit by a potential employer.
10. Do you have a good body-image?
Not really. Nor do I have a particularly good perceived body image.
11. Is being tagged fun?
Dunno, I tend to steal memes rather than being tagged for them.
12. What websites do you visit daily?
Facebook, hotmail, SFFS forums, Least I Could Do webcomic
13. What is your favourite item of clothing?
Dunno. I love most of my t shirts to bits and have a few jackets I’m very fond of.
14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
No idea cos no one tagged me, I stole it :D
15. What’s the last song that got stuck in your head?
Usually Dove L’Amore by Cher. That happens a lot at the moment.
16. Where would you most like to travel?
New Zealand, Finland. I’ve also been promised a trip to Paris at some time in the indefinite future.
17. What's better: to give or to receive?
I believe you need a healthy balance of both.
18. What's the first thing you notice in people?
Whether their personality is genuine.
19. Would you bungie jump from the Empire State Building for $10,000,000?
Yes. These things really aren’t as dangerous as people think. It’s just they’re well publicised if and when things go wrong.
20: What were your parents going to name you if you'd been born the opposite gender?
Christopher. Which is what my elder brother is called.
Sunday, 13 July 2008
Lack of Better Things to Do?
I like memes, and currently have a fair amount of time on my hands. I like this one though, as it really makes you think about some things.
Nicked from iluvbeingme23
I am not: entirely sure I’m sane.
I love: my Splendibear
I hate: very sparingly
I fear: many trivial things. And being alone.
I hope: that things will stay pretty much the same for the foreseeable future.
I hear: things I shouldn’t and say nothing about them.
I crave: acceptance. And mostly these days I get it.
I regret: as few things as possible.
I cry: over small things sometimes. It’s usually those that get me.
I care: about many people.
I always: try want to do my best,
I believe: in myself now more than I ever have in the past.
I feel alone: very rarely these days.
I listen: when people need me to, and for as long as they need to speak.
I hide: my fears and my inadequacies.
I drive: people up the wall.
I sing: frequently, loudly and probably out of tune.
I dance: marginally better than I sing.
I write: because I have to. I can’t help myself.
I play: silly games on the internet to pass time.
I miss: people who aren’t in my life anymore; they’ll never know how much they mean to me.
I search: for the hero inside myself.
I learn: from my mistakes.
I feel: far older than I actually am.
I know: that even if I fail in everything I set out today, there are people who will still love me and support me.
I say: ridiculous things sometimes.
I succeed: when I try hard enough.
I dream: of some extremely odd things. Wookie research centres for example.
I wonder: what the future will hold. Then I remember half the funs in not knowing.
I want: world peace, but then doesn’t everyone?
I have: the right to remain silent.
I give: my time and my energy rather than my money.
I fell: hard and fast. And I’m still falling.
I fight: tooth and nail for those whom I love.
I need: food and water and shelter to survive; I need love to live
I've come to realize that when I talk: I will always have someone to listen.
I've come to realize that if I love someone: I give them everything I have to give.
I've come to realize that I need: nothing that I haven’t already got. Except maybe a job.
I've come to realize that I've lost: none of my childlike wonder.
I've come to realize that I hate it when: people judge me without knowing me. And the same when they do it to other people.
I've come to realize that if I'm drunk: I need to be very careful who I flirt with.
I've come to realize that money: is very useful, but isn’t everything.
I've come to realize that my mother: was right.
I've come to realize that I'll probably always be: the person I am now. You'll just have to get used to it.
I've come to realize that I have a crush on: lots of people. None of whom matter very much because I’m in love with someone anyway.
I've come to realize that the last time I cried was: very much needed.
I've come to realize that my cell phone: isn’t as useful as you’d think. Damn thing never rings.
I've come to realize that when I wake up in the morning: I want to fall back asleep and into that dream.
I've come to realize that before I go to sleep at night: I over think everything I’ve done in my day.
I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about: soppy things. And its all Sam’s fault.
I've come to realize that babies: taste better with ketchup (and obviously aren’t for me).
I've come to realize that today I will: do nothing particularly constructive.
I've come to realize that tonight I will: stay up far too late talking and procrastinating.
I've come to realize that tomorrow I will: be one day closer to where I want to be.
I've come to realize that I really want to: go dancing in the rain.
I've come to realize relationships: are only meaningful if you’re willing to work to make them that way.
I've come to realize love: is not something that really be defined, only expereinced.
I've come to realize my best guy friend: is a muppet, but I still love him,
I've come to realize my best girl friend: won’t ever be perfect.
I've come to realize food: tastes better when you’re eating it in good company.
I've come to realize that when I'm a boyfriend/girlfriend: I’m more likely to show my hopeless romantic side. Normally I hid it away.
I've come to realize girls and boys: are very different creatures with very different needs.
I've come to realize over the summer: that more people hold me in high esteem than I thought.
I've come to realize heartbreak: is something that you can get over.
Nicked from iluvbeingme23
I am not: entirely sure I’m sane.
I love: my Splendibear
I hate: very sparingly
I fear: many trivial things. And being alone.
I hope: that things will stay pretty much the same for the foreseeable future.
I hear: things I shouldn’t and say nothing about them.
I crave: acceptance. And mostly these days I get it.
I regret: as few things as possible.
I cry: over small things sometimes. It’s usually those that get me.
I care: about many people.
I always: try want to do my best,
I believe: in myself now more than I ever have in the past.
I feel alone: very rarely these days.
I listen: when people need me to, and for as long as they need to speak.
I hide: my fears and my inadequacies.
I drive: people up the wall.
I sing: frequently, loudly and probably out of tune.
I dance: marginally better than I sing.
I write: because I have to. I can’t help myself.
I play: silly games on the internet to pass time.
I miss: people who aren’t in my life anymore; they’ll never know how much they mean to me.
I search: for the hero inside myself.
I learn: from my mistakes.
I feel: far older than I actually am.
I know: that even if I fail in everything I set out today, there are people who will still love me and support me.
I say: ridiculous things sometimes.
I succeed: when I try hard enough.
I dream: of some extremely odd things. Wookie research centres for example.
I wonder: what the future will hold. Then I remember half the funs in not knowing.
I want: world peace, but then doesn’t everyone?
I have: the right to remain silent.
I give: my time and my energy rather than my money.
I fell: hard and fast. And I’m still falling.
I fight: tooth and nail for those whom I love.
I need: food and water and shelter to survive; I need love to live
I've come to realize that when I talk: I will always have someone to listen.
I've come to realize that if I love someone: I give them everything I have to give.
I've come to realize that I need: nothing that I haven’t already got. Except maybe a job.
I've come to realize that I've lost: none of my childlike wonder.
I've come to realize that I hate it when: people judge me without knowing me. And the same when they do it to other people.
I've come to realize that if I'm drunk: I need to be very careful who I flirt with.
I've come to realize that money: is very useful, but isn’t everything.
I've come to realize that my mother: was right.
I've come to realize that I'll probably always be: the person I am now. You'll just have to get used to it.
I've come to realize that I have a crush on: lots of people. None of whom matter very much because I’m in love with someone anyway.
I've come to realize that the last time I cried was: very much needed.
I've come to realize that my cell phone: isn’t as useful as you’d think. Damn thing never rings.
I've come to realize that when I wake up in the morning: I want to fall back asleep and into that dream.
I've come to realize that before I go to sleep at night: I over think everything I’ve done in my day.
I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about: soppy things. And its all Sam’s fault.
I've come to realize that babies: taste better with ketchup (and obviously aren’t for me).
I've come to realize that today I will: do nothing particularly constructive.
I've come to realize that tonight I will: stay up far too late talking and procrastinating.
I've come to realize that tomorrow I will: be one day closer to where I want to be.
I've come to realize that I really want to: go dancing in the rain.
I've come to realize relationships: are only meaningful if you’re willing to work to make them that way.
I've come to realize love: is not something that really be defined, only expereinced.
I've come to realize my best guy friend: is a muppet, but I still love him,
I've come to realize my best girl friend: won’t ever be perfect.
I've come to realize food: tastes better when you’re eating it in good company.
I've come to realize that when I'm a boyfriend/girlfriend: I’m more likely to show my hopeless romantic side. Normally I hid it away.
I've come to realize girls and boys: are very different creatures with very different needs.
I've come to realize over the summer: that more people hold me in high esteem than I thought.
I've come to realize heartbreak: is something that you can get over.
Saturday, 12 July 2008
Memey : )
Single. Words. Only. No. Repeats.
1. Where is your cell phone? Desk
2. Your significant other? Elsehere
3. Your hair? Purple
4. Your mother? Asleep
5. Your father? Same
6. Your favorite time of day? Morning
7. Your dream last night? Weird
8. Your favorite drink? Tea
9. Your dream goal? Writer
10. The room you’re in? Bedroom
11. Your ex? fool
12. Your fear? alone
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? alive
14. What you are not? depressed
15. Your Favorite meal? pasta
16. One of your wish list items? job
17. The last thing you did? type
18. Where you grew up? seaside
19. What are you wearing? Clothes
20. Your TV is? off
21. Your pets? dog
22. Your computer? laptop
23. Your life? complete
24. Your mood? happy
25. Missing someone? boyfriend
26. Your car? Car?
27. Something you’re not wearing? makeup
28. Favorite store? Bookstore
29. Your summer? boring
30. Your favorite color? purple
31. When is the last time you laughed? today
32. When is the last time you cried? thursday
33. Your health? good
34. Your children? Never!
35. Your future? good
36. Your beliefs? pagan
37. Young or old? young
38. Your image? geeky
39. Your appearance? dunno
40. Would you live your life over again knowing what you know? yup
1. Where is your cell phone? Desk
2. Your significant other? Elsehere
3. Your hair? Purple
4. Your mother? Asleep
5. Your father? Same
6. Your favorite time of day? Morning
7. Your dream last night? Weird
8. Your favorite drink? Tea
9. Your dream goal? Writer
10. The room you’re in? Bedroom
11. Your ex? fool
12. Your fear? alone
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? alive
14. What you are not? depressed
15. Your Favorite meal? pasta
16. One of your wish list items? job
17. The last thing you did? type
18. Where you grew up? seaside
19. What are you wearing? Clothes
20. Your TV is? off
21. Your pets? dog
22. Your computer? laptop
23. Your life? complete
24. Your mood? happy
25. Missing someone? boyfriend
26. Your car? Car?
27. Something you’re not wearing? makeup
28. Favorite store? Bookstore
29. Your summer? boring
30. Your favorite color? purple
31. When is the last time you laughed? today
32. When is the last time you cried? thursday
33. Your health? good
34. Your children? Never!
35. Your future? good
36. Your beliefs? pagan
37. Young or old? young
38. Your image? geeky
39. Your appearance? dunno
40. Would you live your life over again knowing what you know? yup
Wednesday, 9 July 2008
Call of Nature
I went for a walk today, just to get me out of the house. Walked around town, and then went to the beach.
It's amazing how I'd almost forgotten how amazing the wind felt on my skin, and how exhilarating the scent of the sea. That slight tang of salt on the air. I walked one the beach and enjoyed the feel of the cool, damp sand under my bare feet.
It made me feel alive again, and cleared my thoughts.
It was exactly what I needed after how I've felt all week, even if it didn't solve any of my problems.
It's amazing how I'd almost forgotten how amazing the wind felt on my skin, and how exhilarating the scent of the sea. That slight tang of salt on the air. I walked one the beach and enjoyed the feel of the cool, damp sand under my bare feet.
It made me feel alive again, and cleared my thoughts.
It was exactly what I needed after how I've felt all week, even if it didn't solve any of my problems.
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