My Version of Hell

The Pope
Circle I Limbo

George Bush
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Saddam Hussein
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

General asshats
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Militant Vegans
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Osama bin Laden
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Scientologists
Circle VII Burning Sands

PETA Members
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

The Captain is Retiring

Fanfiction...

**sigh**

I remember when I wrote fanfiction. Not huge amounts, but I've written enough stories to be proud of. Not lately though.

Lately I have struggled to find the time, and when I do have the time I haven't got the inspiration. I've lost my mojo; the well has run dry. I don't have the same enthusiasm for the fandoms as I once did.

So this is it, I'm taking my final bow; this is the end of my relationship with fanfiction. Do not expect any more from the Captain. I may one or two more drabbles left in me, but they will b infrequent at best.

I want to thank everyone who's ever read or commented on my stories, the people who's stories I've loved, anyone who's ever given me encouragement help and feedback. Thanks guys, its been a hell of a ride.

So long...

My Music

I have a pretty eclectic taste in music. I know this, however, some of my friends don't. Some of the people I know still seem to think I'm stuck in the same musical rut I was when I was fourteen when pretty much all I listened to was rock and metal. So, in order to remedy this incorrect assumption, I have taken the liberty of cataloging my music collection.

It can be found here: captainraz's music collection

This is by no means an exhaustive list, and is very much a work in progress. Neither is it a complete list of my musical taste as it focuses only on whole albums rather than odd songs by an artist that I have. It should give all you doubters an idea of just how diverse my taste in music is.

And who knows, maybe I will compile a list of all the artists I like.

Maybe...

Long time no post...

Wow it's been a while since I've posted on here. Just goes to show how happy and busy I've been since August. Well, as a quick digest of my life;

In September I moved into a house with three of my friends from Uni. Times have been excellent and frivolous and much goodness has been had. They are good people, the house is lovely and well suited to me getting to lectures etc, and it's generally been great fun being a proper adult.

Later in September I started my second year at University *insert gasps and other panicky noises here*. Work has been challenging but the load fairly manageable up to this point. Next semester might be slightly different; 3 extra modules, an extra lab and a dissertation to write (it's not fair, its only my second year!!). Only two exams in January, which is good. I do have a test tomorrow (technically today by this point :S) but its only worth 10% of the module and we're allowed crib sheets :D Wish me luck anyway.

Society stuff has been quite fun. I'm enjoying being Vice President (or President of Vice as I like to call myself :P), knowing I'm really in charge without doing very much. Had a load of training to do and we've had one or two hiccups, but other than that it's been great fun. Will definitely be running again for next year :)

Christmas is coming up soon. I've got my first advent calender in years and I'm enjoying eating the chocolates before breakfast (cos I was never allowed to as a kid). No real idea what I want for myself but I've just about sorted other people out. I'm expecting good things from the bloke though :)

Speaking of whom, it is slowly creeping up to our first anniversary together :D I know it's not til the end of January, but I can't help being excited and part of me still can't believe it. We had wanted to go to Paris for the weekend to celebrate, but money and time constraints wouldn't allow :( So we've booked a mini-cruise to Amsterdam for sometime before we both have exams, and I can't wait. I know we're not quite there yet but I am so looking forward to another year together. We're planning on moving in together for our third year, which will be absolutely wonderful.

Anyways, it's late and I'd better shoot off. See ya'll again the next time I get the urge to post.

Letter to a Friend

I'm sorry.

I feel the need to apologise for so many things right now. Things have been hard lately, not just for me but for you as well. You have your own problems to deal with, and I shouldn't be dumping my own on you, nor should I be taking my anger and frustrations out on you. I don't like us arguing and I don't like the feeling that everything is not quite right between us.

You are my rock and my anchor, and right now I'm turning to you in desperation without thinking that you might need me too. I want to be there for you too, but I don't know how much I can help you because everything is so messed up in my own head. I don't feel like myself anymore; I don't feel like the confident young woman I have become, I feel like a scared little child who is running out of people to turn to.

But I am going to be better. I am going to be a better person, and I am going to be there for you when you need me.

I am not going to let the past ruin the present and dictate my future. Just because things went bad before doesn't mean they will again. I have to trust you completely, which I will admit I haven't been able to do of late.

I am going to trust you again.

I am going to be stronger than my issues; I won't let them beat me. As you and others keep telling me, most of them are unfounded anyway. But some of my issues have been there for a long time, I can't promise I will let go of them straight away. But I can promise that I will try.

I am going to be the person you need me to be. I can't live my life thinking only about myself, which is what I have been doing lately. You have your problems and issues too, and while I have tried my best to deal with them in the past I have been terribly lax of late. For that I am truly sorry.

Things have not been very good for me lately, not in any way really, you know this. But things will get better soon, I promise. When I'm free to be myself again, when I don't have the shadow of the past dragging up every single one of my issues and insecurities, when my issues aren't making me the most selfish person on the planet, when I have my own head sorted out, maybe then things will change.

Perhaps then I can be the friend you need me to be; the friend you deserve.

Love Starts With a Smile

Been looking for this for a while. It's an old email meme that I got years ago and thought was nice enough to keep, but I thought I'd lost it. I found it today whilst clearing out old files on my laptop and decided to share it with you.

Enjoy!




LOVE STARTS WITH A SMILE



Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you

If love isn't a game, why are there so many players?

Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.

You can only go as far as you push.

Actions speak louder than words.

The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.

Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.

Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.

A BEST FRIEND is like a four leaf clover, HARD TO FIND and LUCKY TO HAVE.

Some people make the world SPECIAL just by being in it.

BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us.

When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look
beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.







TRUE FRIENDSHIP "NEVER" ENDS.

Friends are FOREVER.

Good friends are like stars....You don't always see them, but you know they
are always there.

Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.

What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the
person who made you cry?

Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.

Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.

Most people walk in and out of you life, but only friends leave footprints in
your heart.

Send this on to everyone special in your life, even the people who really
make you mad sometimes and to the people whose lives you want to be in!!!


Remember, every minute spent angry is sixty seconds of happiness wasted.

My Novel

Yesterday was quite an important day for me, though it didn't quite feel like it at the time. I was busy, so the significance of the day slipped by unnoticed.

Yesterday marked a year since I started work on my novel.

I finished the first draft at Christmas, giving it to my mother as her present with a dedication to her in the front. If it ever gets published, it will have that same dedication in the front. I am still working on the second draft, struggling to fit in my writing around everything else I need and want to do; struggling to find the energy and the inspiration to write.

I desperately want to get this published, but am slowly coming to realise tat this is highly unlikely while I'm still at University. I want to be a professional writer, but I also want to get my degree. I wouldn't have the time to meet any promotional demands a publisher would make should I be lucky enough to get a publishing deal.

Therefore, I believe I have come to a decision. I am going to finish this novel, then put it to one side. I will wait until I have left university before I attempt to get my book published. In the meantime I plan to work on the other ideas in my head. I have at least one sequel to the one I'm currently writing in the pipeline and at least one other idea I would like to try.

What I really want is to get back to the joy of writing; to be able to just let my imagination tun wild without worrying about whether it will sell or if people will like it. For now I think I will write for me. I'll worry about all that other stuff later